what is wrong with you people

(no subject)

The time you have all been waiting for has at last arrived.



It is meant to be written in installments, but I guess I only get to turn in one part of it for the contest.

Title: Prudence or Promiscuity
By Z. Smith

Far away in a small town called Prudence, there lived a young girl with blonde curls named Zephestia. Zephestia just turned sixteen last March, which meant she now had a wide range of freedoms that had previously been denied to her, much to her family's chagrin. Although she was expected to retain a relative amount of decorum in all of her daily rituals, Zephestia seemed to have a knack for getting into trouble. In fact, she had yet to live down the time she tried to switch the birth results of her half-sister, Thimble. Sighing at her misfortune, Zephestia almost missed her opportunity to cast a listening charm on Roderick and Gideon's whispered gossip. Luckily Zephestia always kept an eye out for a chance to eavesdrop.

"Valencia said that Yvette saw Dionysius arguing with Marco this morning. It looked like Marco said something threatening and walked off, but Dionysius had a dangerous gleam in his eye. We had better take him into custody before he tries anything," hissed Gideon.

Roderick nodded solemnly, "Yes."

"No! You can't!"

Roderick and Gideon turned towards Zephestia, startled.

"Dionysius is evil and you know it! He killed your cat just last year," argued Gideon.

"Yes," agreed Roderick.

"He said his wand slipped! I love him and-" Zephestia blushed slightly, raising her chin in defiance. "Well, you just can't. You think that you can throw anyone that disagrees with you in Azkaban, just because half the town will support you no matter what."

"Give us one good reason not to. He's a lying, manipulative bastard. He had Grandmother killed just last week, and everyone knows it! If it weren't for his connections to the minister..." Gideon trailed off. "One good reason."

"Would you throw the father of your nephew in jail?" challenged Zephestia.

"Yes," responded Roderick. "Wait... no."

"What are you saying? You can't mean it!" wailed Gideon.

"I do mean it. I'm pregnant!"

Gideon walked past Zephestia in agitation and stood with his back to her. "But-"

"You are wrong Zephestia, the child you carry is not Dionysius's. It is mine!"

Zephestia opened her mouth in shock. "Who are you?"

"I am Dionysius's long-lost good twin brother. I was kidnapped at birth and raised in a convent in the south of France. When I discovered I might have family here, I immediately decided to go on a journey to find my past. This necklace I wear with the engraved words "The other one" has been with me for as long as I can remember. I must admit, I was a bit shocked when you pulled me into that closet, but I did not want to offend you. When I discovered that I had a twin, it all made sense."

With that, Zephestia turned towards Gideon and Roderick. "Well. Nevermind then. Carry on."

"Yes," Roderick replied.

"I just have one more question."

"What is it, Gideon?"

"What about the pregnancy?"

"Well, I hadn't really thought about it," hedged Zephestia.

"I, Ulrich, would delight in marrying Zephestia and helping her accomplish her dream to become an alternative medicine guru."

"Oh, Ulrich!"

---

Little did they know, a dark man with a dark purpose watched the entire exchange through his window...

The End
what is wrong with you people

(no subject)

My Yule Ball Experience

I fulfilled the date requirement. In fact, I'm fairly sure I exceeded expectations in that department. Millicent in particular was a very thoughtful date, as she made sure to tell me what she would wear so that I could choose to coordinate if I felt the need.

At Professor's Snape's insistence, I had a glass of punch. Shortly thereafter, Lisa Turpin proceeded to ask me to dance by attaching her hand to my well-developed arse. Since no one punched her in the face to defend my honor, I thought I had better do it myself. Before I had a chance to carry out my hastily developed plan, she was kissing me. With tongue. Naturally, I was forced to improvise, so I hid behind the punch bowl.

I stayed there for quite a while before taking a bathroom break. I then discovered that quite a lot had changed. For one, I was no longer strikingly blonde. I suddenly had a face that not even a mother could love, and come to think of it, I resembled Vincent Crabbe quite a bit. How strange.

Anyway, after vomiting a few times in horror, I rejoined the festivities and danced the night away, and so on.

Oh, what a night.
what is wrong with you people

Oh. My. God.

An invisibility potion?!

Invisibility potion!!

It's a conspiracy, I know it is. It's like... it's like... Well I don't know what it's like, but I will find out, you mark my words! I'm really excellent at research.

Now, I would like to apologise for my extended period of withdrawal, which you will all have noticed because I am so great. But, I needed my space, and excessive time for thinking about the important things in life, like my mum, and how my hair might look better if it were brushed to the side slightly more to the left. My left.

...

I think I may have detected a speck of dandruff. Dear god. I must attend to this immediately.

-Ernie
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    hair
what is wrong with you people

ARGH

What on earth is going on here? Why can't I access my journal this morning? And Zacharias has the most horrible taste in icons, too! I had to choose between ugly, ugly, and oh, even more ugly. I am distraught. When I came across that big white annoying page, I spilled pumpkin juice all over my new robes and now I have to wash them, too!

There is no justice.

Justin where are you?
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    vexed
what is wrong with you people

(no subject)

Well, I've received Ginny's brochure and perused it long enough to pick out something. I'm not sure why she said it was mostly for girls, perhaps because some had jewels or sparkles or ribbons... regardless, I am quite excited about my purchase.

Potter was forced to walk and apparently the world just about ceased to rotate on its axis out of sheer shock. I cannot believe anyone could possibly expect The Boy Who Lived to find his own method of transportation. What blasphemy.

I would draw a bath, but that has been irrevocably tainted for me, for obvious reasons. Mum is probably up to something anyway, so I'll go see if I can figure it out instead.
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    indifferent
what is wrong with you people

(no subject)

As usual, nothing of interest around here. Sami and Lucas are engaged, but according to the teaser, it is all going wrong tomorrow. Alas. At least soap operas are somewhat entertaining, unlike so-called poems done by very angry orphans.

I'm rather curious about one thing though... why is the macarena such a big deal? I mean, no one seems to think much of the fact that we have professors that enjoy disco. I, for one, don't see the difference.
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    disgusted
what is wrong with you people

(no subject)

An important American building blew up. Harry Potter isn't overly concerned. Brilliant. What a leader in the making, with such a winning attitude and cunning mind.

In the meantime, I've discovered that disco is dead for a reason. On that note, most everything is dead for a reason.

I think I'll try to find a place to be alone with my thoughts, as they are a precious commodity around here.
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    disgusted
what is wrong with you people

(no subject)

I'm pretty sure that sending a letter using the skin of naked mole rats is just a waste. I bet they killed at least 20 just for the first page.

I've joined Young Witches Club, as it needed doing.

Potter now believes that his anger gives him the ability to break the laws of physics, nature, God, or whatever you want to call it. I knew he was an idiot.
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    indifferent